Joke Book
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Lochardil School Joke Book |
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Q. How do elephants talk to each other? A: By ‘elephone |
Rachel McRobert P.1
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Q: Why is the leopard the only animal that can’t hide from hunters ? A: Because it’s always spotted
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Lauren Matheson P.3 |
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Q: What do you call a man in a bath with no arms or legs? A: Bob
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Bethany Black P.7 |
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Q: There was a lady who got a parrot. The parrot behaved badly so she put him in the freezer. When she took him out of the freezer he was very good. She asked him what had changed, he said, ”I don’t know.” Then he asked,”What did the chicken do ?
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Catriona MacDougall P.7 |
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Q: What did the red light say to the green light? A: Don’t look I’m changing !
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Craig McLintock P.7 |
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Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school? A: Because it was high school !
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Finlay Sutherland P.1 |
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Q: What animal do you think you should never play cards with? A: A Cheetah !
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Jude Christison P.1 |
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Q: What did the policeman say to his bellybutton A: You’re under a vest !
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Euan MacInnes P.3 |
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Q: Who designed King Arthurs round table? A: Cir Cumference !
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Alison Mackenzie P.7 |
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Q: What do you call a gorilla with two bananas in his ears? A: Anything you like because he can’t hear you !
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Aaron MacRae P.6 |
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Q: If you dial 2367981049 what do you get ? A: An aching finger !
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Kelly Martin P.6 |
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Q: Why are oysters so greedy ? A: Because they are shellfish !
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Lomond Nicoll P.2 |
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A: Knock knock; Q: Who’s There ? A: Will Q: Will who ? A: Will you go away ! |
Rory Gillespie P 3 |
and some more ..................
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Q: What did the hedgehog say when he put his coat on inside out? A: Ouch!
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Sarah Trail P7 |
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Q: Knock, knock Who’s there? Cargo Cargo who No! Cargo beep beep!
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Scot Duncan P7 |
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Q: Why did the jelly baby go to school? A: Because he wanted to be a smartie!
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Morven Rothwell P1 |
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Q: Where do dinosaurs park their cars? A: In Jurassic parking spaces!
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Emily Twaddle P2 |
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Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop!
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Luke Allan P2 |
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Q: What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? A: An egg!
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Louise Mackenzie P7 |
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Q: What do you get when an ear meets an engine? A: An engineer!
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Euan Wheeler P2 |
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Q: What’s black and white and red all over? A: A newspaper/ A sunburnt penguin!
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Lomond Nicoll P2 |
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Q: Which bear is white and tastes of peppermint? A: A polar bear!
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Jake Fraser Marrison P2 |
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Q: Waiter this soup tastes funny. A: Then why aren’t you laughing sir?
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Jake Fraser Marrison P2 |
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Q: What are 2 robbers called? A: A pair of knickers!
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Josie Steele P2 |
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Q: What do you call ghost potatoes watching a football match? A: Spook-taters!
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Jack Mackenzie P7 |
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Q: Doctor, doctor I feel like a pair of curtains. A: Pull yourself together!
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Christopher P3 |
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Q: Why did the elephant take toilet roll to the party? A: Because he was a party pooper!
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Fraser McMillan P3 |
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Q: What did the traffic lights say
to the car?
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Alex McDonald P3 |
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Q: If you’re American when you go in the toilet and American when you come out, what are you when you’re on the toilet? A: European!
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Jill McLachlan P6 |
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Teacher: I’m so ugly. Pupil: No you’re not. Teacher: I am! When my grandfather was born they passed round cigars. When my father was born they passed round cigarettes. But when I was born they simply passed out!
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Liam Tracy P6 |
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Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
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Adam Gray P6 |
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Q: Knock, knock. A: Who’s there? Q: Boo! A: Boo who? Q: Oh! Don’t cry!
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Jessica Wilson P7
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Q: Why did the strawberry go out with the plum? A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
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Eilidh Stott P7 |
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Q: What do you call a monster with no neck? A: The lost neck monster!
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Lauren Neil P5 |
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Q: What jumps out from behind a
snowdrift and shows you his bottom?
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Kieran B P5 |
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(Pupil on phone): My son is unable to come to school today, as he is ill. (School secretary): who is this speaking? (Pupil): This is my father speaking!
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Rowan Murray P3 |
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Q: What is a zombie’s favourite street? A: Dead end street!
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Lucy McCrae P5 |
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Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman?
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Lucy McCrae P5 |
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Q: What’s the difference between a rabbit doing exercise and a rabbit with a flower up its nose?
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Laura Morrison P5 |
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Q: How do you get rid of varnish??
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Cameron McMillan P5 |
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Knock, knock Who’s there Rita Rita who Rita good book instead of watching TV!
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Rhiannon Wilson P5 |
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Italy got hungry, ate Turkey, slipped on Greece, broke China, went shopping in Iceland and got eaten by Wales!
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Catriona P5/6 |
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Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
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Duncan Ball P5/6 |
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Teacher: Now Damien, you shouldn’t fight but learn to give and take. Damien: But I did miss, I gave him a black eye then took his orange!
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Ruairidh Ball P5/6 |
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Q: What do Spanish farmers say to their hens? A: Ole!
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Kieran Forbes P5 |
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Q: If King Kong flew to Hong Kong and died playing ping-pong, what would they put on the coffin after the funeral? A: The lid!
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Fraser Menzies P5 |
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Johnny was in the bath when his mum said that his hair had grown so long he would need it cut again. Johnny replied by saying that she should maybe stop watering it!
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Aileen Fraser P5/6 |
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Q: What do you call a man with seagulls on his head?
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Katie Walker P5/6 |
and some more....
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Q: Why do Daleks eat apples? A: Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away!
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By Euan Bowie P.6 |
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Q: What do you call ghost potatoes watching a football match? A: Spook-taters!
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Jack Mackenzie P.7 |
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Q: What’s black and white and red all over? A: A sunburnt penguin
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Rebekah Reed P.7 |
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Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers ? A; In case he got a hole in one !
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Robbie Wilson P.3 |
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Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with your teacher? A: Lots of blood tests!
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Daniel Lamont P.3 |
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Q: Why do polar bears never eat penguins? A: Because they can never get the wrapper off!
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Sarah Malhan P.5/6 |
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Q: Why did the man fall over? A: Because he was wearing his slippers!
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Judy Rodgers P.3 |
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Q: What do you call someone whose mother comes from Iceland and father comes from Cuba? A: An ice cube!
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Christopher Brown P.5/6 |
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Q: What do you do if you can’t get to sleep? A: Roll to the end of your bed and you’ll soon drop off!
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Jamie Urquhart P.5 |
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Q: Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! A: Oh pull yourself together then
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Donald Ball P.5 |
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Q: What is the smelliest kind of dog? A: A poodle!
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Frankie Hulme P.5 |
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Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Hamish Young P.5/6 |
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Q: Why did King-Kong climb the Empire State building? A: Because he couldn’t fit in the lift!
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Jack McDonald P.5/6 |
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Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop!
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Leon Pasieka P.5/6 |
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Halfway through the Celtic v Rangers match things get out of hand. The two sets of fans start throwing beer cans at each other. A small boy tells the man next to him that he is scared one of the cans will hit him. The man replies the cans only hit you if they have your name on it. That’s what I am worried about the boy replies, my name is Tennant!
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Struan McArthur P.5/6 |
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Q: What can be Running but never ever leaves? A: A nose!
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Douglas and Nadya P.1/2 |
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Q: What do You call a Farmer who has no farm? A: ER |
Rebecca Lamont P.1/2
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Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? A: Cliff
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Sophie Douglas P.2 |
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Q: What did the sea say to the shore? A: Nothing, it just waves !
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Courtney P.4 |
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Q: What do you pour hot water down a rabbit hole ? A: Hot ,Cross Bunnies !
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Lewis McCheyne P.4 |
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Q: How do you know when its raining cats and dogs ? A: You step in a poodle !
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Kirsten Forlong P.4 |
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Q: What do you call a space ship with it’s exhaust hanging off? A: a space racket ! |
Rohan P.4 |
and some bonus jokes...
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Q: What is long and purple?
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Cameron Maclnnes P1/2 |
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Q: Why did the baby get sat on?
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Bradi Hulme P1/2 |
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Q: Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
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Kelsie Macleod P1/2 |
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Have you read “Infectious Diseases” by Willie Chatchit!
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Rhiannon Cameron P4 |